Thursday, 21 October 2021

I used to think about suicide: AR Rehman

BOLLYWOOD: Internationally acclaimed Indian musician AR Rehman has  reached the apex of success and triumph within a short span of time. However, the singer has now stepped forward shedding light on the darker parts of his life.

According to a report by Hindustan Times, the 51-year-old singer shared how in spite of the feats in life he has now, he has had his fair share of bumps in the road, till the point that he once thought about ending his life.

“Up until 25, I used to think about suicide. Most of us feel that we’re not good enough. I lost my father so there was always this void. There were so many things happening and in a way, it made me fearless. Death is permanent. Since everything has an expiry date, there’s nothing to be afraid of,” he shared.

The music director went on to share how his journey into the world of music was initiated from the recording studio he built in his backyard in Chennai: “Before that, things were dormant so may be it the feeling manifested then. Because of my father’s death and the way he was working, I didn’t do many films. I did two out of 35. Everyone wondered ‘How are you going to survive? You have everything, grab it.’ I was 25 then. I couldn’t do that. It’s like eating everything. You become numb. So even if you eat small meals, you make it fulfilling.”

He goes on to share his father, RK Shankar who had also been a music composer passed away when he was only nine after which his family had to rent their musical equipment in order to keep the livelihood going.

The singer-songwriter, along with his family had embraced Sufi Islam, changing his name from Dileep Kumar to AR Rehman, before he broke into the industry in 1992 film ‘Roja’ by Mani Ratnam.

“I never liked my original name Dileep Kumar. I don’t even know why I hated it. I felt it didn’t match my personality. I wanted to become another person. I felt like that would define and change my whole being. I wanted to get rid of all the past luggage,” he further added.

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