We are taught that women receive and men provide. We are conditioned that a man hunts and puts food on the table while the female arranges the home, cooks and raises children.
The question people have today is whether that still applies.
This week’s question comes from Candice in Edenvale: “What do women want from men?”
In an era of empowered women I am not surprised by this question. To answer it, you might want to dig deeper than you expect and the answer will take you by surprise.
There is a long list of what women want when you ask them: love, laughter, honesty, understanding, respect, money, friendship, to be seen as a soul, connection, great sex, to rely on a partner, to never be abandoned, support, emotional connection and responsibility, spiritual bonding, passion, effort and of course, appreciation.
At different stages of life those same women who once wanted one thing will now want something different.
As individuals grow, they learn that they can be self- sufficient too.
Consider how Maslow’s hierarchy of needs works inside relationships: can a man provide safety, shelter, food, love and success?
Every time one need is fulfilled the next one emerges.
We are driven by needs until we reach the top of the hierarchy.
Here it starts again, but this time at another level of awareness where similar needs are guised as something else.
A good example would be the following: a woman who believes she has everything she possibly might need attends a spiritual retreat and has insight that shows her that from this new perspective she lacks something.
Now she wants her partner to be her spiritual safekeeper. He is no longer allowed to be negative in the way he sees life.
She demands his respect for her need to not feel judged. Her safety now means something else.
Eventually we all discover that what a woman wants from a man is no more than what she actually wants from herself. Except, she cannot yet give it to herself, because she does not understand it.
While you might think her needs are irrational and they change all the time, she is getting to know them herself.
If you want to know what a woman wants, consider that you will attract a woman to you who wants exactly what you want, when you translate it on a deep enough level.
All needs are driven by emotions. The emotions of the physical desire you have are the same, although it might be “marketed” differently in the role of a man and a woman.
The days of transactions, where a man plays the role of the giver and the woman the receiver, are over.
Relationships are still relationships between males and females, but it can also look like masculine and feminine energy, where both men and women are able to give and receive.
Responsible relationships are built consciously on understanding yourself first, then you can stand in for your partner’s needs.
The ideal situation is one where she is free to understand how to make it happen for herself.
What does she need you for?
Well, maybe you can both evolve in your relationship. Because, what you are prepared to give now might not be what you are willing to give tomorrow. Co-dependency is out and independence is in.
Empowered women want men to offer them freedom to be themselves. Strong men who are attracted to strong women also discover that relationships are two people who change roles according to their circumstances.
Success breeds being practical. Adapt or die.
Women change all the time. Don’t fool yourself to think that you can fulfill her needs. That is not your job. She will keep you guessing.
If you really want to know what women want, then know this – the relevant ones will want what you want.
Know yourself and open your eyes. You already have everything you need to be able to give her what she wants.
And when you both get it, there will be more.
Green is a transformation specialist coach and author of Can You See Me Naked: Grow in a Conscious Relationship. She provides answers here when posted on www.adele-green.com/askadele/ or contact her for coaching.