BOLLYWOOD: Actor Sooraj Pancholi turned 28 years old today and as he is celebrating his birthday, he shared a heartfelt note expressing gratitude to everyone who stood by him and spoke about the ongoing case against him regarding actress Jiah Khan’s suicide.
The actor, who made his debut with 2015 film ‘Hero’ along with actress Athiya Shetty, wrote on his Instagram account that as he completes 28 years of his life, he wanted to share a few things that have been in his heart for a while now.
“I wanted to wait to speak out until the case ended, but it’s taken longer than expected. I don’t know where to start from. It is difficult to express some feelings when so many people, so many emotions are involved. First, I want to thank those who have stood by me like a pillar of strength. It has been a long journey that started when I was still trying to understand life. I have been fighting the case in court for the last 6 years, with patience and respect, waiting for the trial to be completed,” he wrote.
He also said that people are calling him ‘murderer’, ‘criminal’ and ‘abuser’ but he asserted that he is not a monster like he has been portrayed in the news. “I have been made to feel guilty without even being given a fair chance to prove the innocence,” he said.
Sooraj, who is a son of actors Aditya Pancholi and Zarina Wahab, is currently working on Remo D’Souza dance-based film, which will also mark the debut of Katrina Kaif’s sister Isabelle Kaif.
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Today I complete 28 years of my life. I want to take up this moment to share a few thoughts that have been in my heart for a while. I wanted to wait to speak out until the case ended, but it’s taken longer than expected. I don’t know where to start from. It is difficult to express some feelings when so many people, so many emotions are involved. First, I want to thank those who have stood by me like a pillar of strength. It has been a long journey that started when I was still trying to understand life. I have been fighting the case in court for the last 6 years, with patience and respect, waiting for the trial to be completed. In this process I have been called a murderer, a criminal, an abuser and so much worse. I read these things about me almost every single day. And my heartfelt effort has always been to be strong, respectful and ignore it. But they still fill my and my loved ones’ heart with so much sadness. I don’t blame the people who call me names, because that’s how i have been portrayed in public, but i’m not the monster that has been portrayed in headlines. I know how easy it is to think the worst of someone and accuse them but it is exceptionally hard to prove myself innocent as there’s a procedure that we need to follow. A procedure that has taken long enough that i have been made to feel guilty without even being given a fair chance to prove my innocence. There have been accusations and assumptions but there has been no validation. But, this is not about what others say. This is about how I feel. For as long as I can remember, my dream has always been to make my parents proud. I have always tried to be a good son to them. In the last 6 years, I’ve tried harder everyday to achieve this dream and to be positive. So today, I am praying with my heart that our family can move forward, that the trial can come to a fair end and that I can give back all the love, support and strength I have received from so many of you. Thank you to all of you who constantly send positivity my way. You may not know it, but every single one of your prayers has helped.
Read Jiah Khan’s Suicide Letter
I don’t know how to say this to you but I might as well now as I have nothing to lose. I’ve already lost everything. If you’re reading this I might have already left or about to leave. I am broken inside. You may not have known this but you affected me deeply to a point where I lost myself in loving you. Yet you tortured me everyday. These days I see no light I wake up not wanting to wake up. There was a time I saw my life with you, a future with you. But you shattered my dreams. I feel dead inside. I’ve never given so much of myself to someone or cared so much. You returned my love with cheating and lies. It didn’t matter how many gifts I gave you or how beautiful I looked for you. I was scared of getting pregnant but I gave myself completely the pain you have caused me everyday has destroyed every bit of me, destroyed my soul. I can’t eat or sleep or think or function. I am running away from everything. The career is not even worth it anymore.
When I first met you I was driven, ambitious and disciplined. Then I fell for you, a love I thought would bring out the best in me. I don’t know why destiny brought us together. After all the pain, the rape, the abuse, the torture I have seen previously I didn’t deserve this. I didn’t see any love or commitment from you. I just became increasingly scared that you would hurt me mentally or physically. Your life was about partying and women. Mine was you and my work. If I stay here I will crave you and miss you. So I am kissing my 10-year career and dreams goodbye.
I never told you but I received a message about you. About you cheating on me. I chose to ignore it, decided to trust you. You embarrassed me. I never went out, I never went with anyone else. I am a loyal person. I never met anyone with Karthik I just wanted you to feel how you make me feel constantly. No other woman will give you as much as I did or love you as much as I did. I can write that in my blood.
Things were looking up for me here, but is it worth it when you constantly feel the pain of heartbreak when the person you love wants to abuse you or threatens to hit you or cheats on you telling other girls they are beautiful or throws you out of their house when you have nowhere to go and you’ve come to them out of love or when they lie to your face or they make you chase after them in their car. Or disrespects their family. You never even met my sister. I bought your sister presents. You tore my soul.
I have no reason to breathe anymore. All I wanted was love. I did everything for you. I was working for us. But you were never my partner. My future is destroyed my happiness snatched away from me. I always wished the best for you, was ready to invest what little money I had in your betterment. You never appreciated my love, Kicked me in the face. I have no confidence or self esteem left, whatever talent whatever ambition you took it all away.
You destroyed my life. It hurt me so much that I waited for you for ten days and you didn’t bother buying me something. The Goa trip was my birthday present but even after you cheated I still spent on you.
I aborted our baby when it hurt me deeply. You destroyed my Christmas and my birthday dinner when I came back. When I tried my hardest to make your birthday special. You chose to be away from me on Valentines Day. You promised me once we made it to one year we would get engaged.
All you want in life is partying, your women and your selfish motives. All I wanted was you and my happiness you took both away from me. I spent money on you selflessly you would throw in my face. When I would cry for you. I have nothing left in this world to live for after this.
I wish you had loved me like I loved you. I dreamt of our future. I dreamt of our success. I leave this place with nothing but broken dreams and empty promises. All I want now is to go to sleep and never wake up again. I am nothing. I had everything. I felt so alone even while with you. You made me feel alone and vulnerable. I am so much more than this.